Can you believe we have already come to part 4 of our travel series on the core needs! Last week we explored the need for significance, how you can meet this needs for others and for yourself. Just click back in the blog to read the last couple of posts on the core needs, I can’t stress enough how these really are key for your emotional well being, especially when travelling and moving far away.
- The need for certainty/safety/comfort
- The need for uncertainty/variety/adventure
- The need for significance
- The need for love and connection
- The need for growth
- The need for contribution
The need for love & connection is very connected to the need for significance, but has a slightly different flavour. To generalise a bit: if love & connection is a driver for you it’s more important to connect and belong than it is to feel acknowledged and validated.
Remember that all of us have a part of all the 6 core needs within us, we just have different needs that drive us and the decisions that you make. It’s also important to know that in the absence of love we’ll settle for connection. Because in many ways connection is safer than love. To truly love we need to open up to both self an others an allow vulnerability. If we are not ready to fully do this, we’ll settle for connecting with self, another person or a group of people.
Some different (un-resourceful and resourceful) examples of this need:
| Resourceful love & connection | Un-resourceful love & connection |
| Sharing & supporting self | Being needy |
| Being loyal to yourself | Self harm |
| Living heart to heart with self and others | Going from unhealthy relationship to unhealthy relationship |
| Realising that your relationship with others is a mirror of your relationship with yourself | Connecting through drugs/drama or other external factors |
| Being clear on your truth and connecting from a space of acceptance and forgiveness | Connection through problems rather than through people |
When I first heard of this core need a few years ago, I was saddened by the fact that I was driven by significance rather than love & connection. It just seemed so hollow somehow. My mentor at the time told me to not judge myself, but to simply understand that significance influences how I make decisions more than love & connection does. It certainly does not mean that I have no need for love & connection or that I don’t care about it at all. If you’re anything like me, don’t judge. Just accept that we make decisions based on different needs and focus on making these as resourcefully as possible.
Which of the 4 core needs we have gone through so far resonates most strongly with you?