I’ve been in that situation so many times. In my studies overseas, my relationships, my working life and sometimes in my relocations. We all have. I find that the temporary downside of being someone who is driven and determined is exactly that point. It sometimes gets too much and you have to stop. When you feel like you’ve tried EVERYTHING and it’s simply not working. The results you’ve worked so hard to achieve are still not there and you are running out of energy an patience fast.
We all know you’re going to hit these points, so what can you do when you get there and are more than ready to just give up?
- Never make a big decision on a bad day. In times of despair or upset we tend to beat ourselves up for the things we did wrong. Every single one of them. If you can’t see things clearly (which you’d be superhuman if you could in that emotional state), you should not be making any big decisions in that moment. This too shall pass, so let the immediate pain/frustration/anger pass and then decide later on what to do with it all.
- Park the hard thing and do something completely different for at least a day. Emotions always pass if we let them and distraction or refocus on something else will help you break the emotional state that holds you down or makes you want to quit. It’s likely you’re not up for something fun at this stage if you’ve just faced a major challenge, so just do something else. Go to the cinema, focus on another project, clean and organise the forgotten corner of your house. Do something else (ideally something where you can see the result) and allow the old feeling to pass.
- Don’t throw everything out just because one thing is going wrong. When you’ve had a chance to calm down it might be time to pick up the old thing again and look at it with different eyes. It’s highly unlikely it was all wrong/useless/stupid, so what can you keep? What did you learn?
- Accept help from the people who know. Your problem is not unique. I don’t know what your challenge is, but this I can guarantee. Ask for help from people who know how to do it and/or have been through this before. Nothing gets better by trying to solve your problem all on your own (probably whilst still beating yourself up about landing there in the first place). Asking for help shows great strength and courage. It also shows that you’re making this about something bigger than just you. You’re reaching out to the community for support.
- Acknowledge yourself. You might not feel praise worthy right now, but you are. You’re reading this and you’re working your way through the really big emotional slap in the face of the challenge you just experienced. What makes all the difference for your future is if you’re able to acknowledge yourself for giving 100%, learning from this roadblock and mapping out what you’re going to differently next time.
Great relationships, businesses, inventions and ideas come from countless roadblocks, misunderstandings and more “That’s it, I give up” statements than you can ever imagine. What separates good from great is that people who settle for good or ok will never withstand the big challenge that always safeguard something great. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. I know you’ve got what it takes though. Because you read all the way through this post and I know you’re already thinking about what you’ve learned and how you’re going to tackle the next thing. Now just do it!
PS: If you’re ready for a great relocation, rather than a half decent move, you’ll want to be part of my relocation program. Great moves come with true understanding of what’s going to come up and how to handle it quickly.