As humans we have a need to been seen and heard. In addition to this, many of us want to grow and develop over time. The sad thing is that many workplaces today allow for little of this. Yes, there might be space to get promoted. But getting a fancy title and more money is not always what fills our bucket.
Having coached many, many hours over the past few years, I’ve noticed some patterns around work satisfaction (and frustrations!) in the clients I work with. Most of the research shows that the biggest reason people leave their job is their immediate manager. I actually think it goes way deeper than that.
Think about it:
- We want to gain influence, but mistake influence for being in absolute control. Sadly, in our search to gain more control over our lives and our job role, we often and foolishly seek to control other people. Like managers, colleagues or clients. To be heard, seen and recognised. I’ve seen so many people get stuck in this space and instead of changing approach, they just turn the volume up until it turns into absolute noise. Like those people who are trying to communicate with someone in another language, and just keep talking louder hoping that this will overcome the language barrier. This does not work. Control (or volume for that matter) will never give you true influence.
- It’s hard to grow from a space of control. We need to go into the unknown to grow and stretch to the next level, which is what I often refer to as ‘the learning zone‘. Control on the other hand lives in ‘the comfort zone‘. That’s not where you’ll find the growth you probably seek. The comfort zone always gives you more of what you already know.
- If our boundaries are not clear to the team around us, by the time we realise someone has crossed ‘the line’ it’s already too late. They’ve lost our trust and loyalty, especially in the work environment. Trust is earned over time, but can be broken in a moment. Unless you are a good communicator and very aware of your professional boundaries, you might be at risk of this one.
- What we have instead is the power to influence. Not the ability to move every little thing in the exact direction we want, but the ability to move some things and align them better, giving us a higher likelihood of change. Which ultimately makes us feel a level of success and achievement. Influence is about communication and looking for the real win/win. You know what I’m talking about here – the solution that actually benefits everyone involved.
This brings me to the most important point of all. Know when it’s time to leave. If you are not in an environment where boundaries are communicated and respected, or where there is room to make your voice heard and influence people, you know what you need to do. Don’t stay and get resentful, loud or resign to boundaries that make you sick.
It’s not your boss’ fault, but it is your responsibility. You matter and your skills and work experience matters. It’s just about finding the place that is right for you at this point in time.
If you or someone you know is ready to take the step to a fresh start, check out our step by step transition coaching program.