This week’s conversation is very applicable to expats or pretty much anyone who is transitioning from one place in life to another. Often my clients and I have a chat about the whole idea of being ready and having enough information to ‘go for it’. How do you know when you’re ready to make the big change?
I often talk about the core human needs and the human need for certainty are a big part of why we often wait much longer than we should to get moving with the things we really want to do. Most of us are aware that we stall, procrastinate and altogether come up with a million good excuses why we shouldn’t just go ahead and do it.
After countless hours of coaching clients around this topic I thought I’d put you our of your misery and tell you why most people procrastinate even though they really want to change.
- We’re trying to predict the future. Every human being has some element of them that is afraid to fail and has a strong need to know what’s going to happen. To a certain extent we can do our homework and find out as much as we can about something. But we all know what our own line in the sand is when it comes to knowing enough or simply choosing not to act even though we could. One of my mentors has always said that it’s better to do something at 80% than nothing at 100%. Worth thinking about!
- We’re afraid to look stupid or for others to judge us. No-one likes to look like a fool. Doing things that are not conventional/the social norm where you live require more dedication than following the stream. Many people will feel a much higher need to overdo the research and preparation when it comes to doing something different. This is when you need to be clear on your path and stop comparing it with others.
- It’s always easier not to change. If we look back through history, many people have fought for numerous causes, but it rarely comes easy. Keeping things the same is always easier for the mind to process, until it hurts too much not to change. This is usually the trigger for fundamental change because…
- We’re more motivated by getting away from something painful than we are to move towards something pleasant. It’s sad but true – when it hurts not to change we find the strongest motivation to change it. This is key to be aware of, but not to get stuck in. Beating yourself up for where you are will give you nothing but more pain, unless you leverage this to create change and make things better.
- We think every decision is final. It’s not. A decision is a direction until you make the next decision. Yes some decisions in life are bigger than others, but NOTHING is ever final. Give yourself the gift of setting the direction, get moving now and allowing yourself to change the course with new decisions along the way.
How do we move forward from here then? The best way is to start changing the way you ask questions. Don’t focus on ‘WHY did I do that?‘, but rather ask ‘HOW can I change this?‘ or ‘WHAT can I do to move forward towards what I want instead?‘. Have a go and see what changes you start to notice!
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