What is wrong with me?
We’ve all been there. Not feeling too happy with where we are at and wanting to change it, but it all feels to hard. At the same time it looks so easy for everyone else…
The thing to always remember is that you don’t know what happens behind closed doors in other people’s lives. Comparing ourselves with others can be helpful to some extent, but more often than not it becomes paralyzing and holds us back from moving forward.
So how do you compare yourself with others just enough to get moving?
- Choose the right role models. The best way to find helpful role models (regardless if you know/meet them in person or not) is to ask yourself “What has this person done/achieved?” and “Is that what I want?“. If they have achieved what you want (and are now being the type of person you’d like to be more of), then use them as inspiration. Remember, they also started from somewhere (just like you!) and were not always as ‘happy and successful’ as they might look like right now.
- Stop doing the victim role! Yes, change can be both challenging and confronting, but it’s never impossible. It’s ok to feel scared and sorry for ourselves from time to time, but this is also something you can use as motivation to move forward. If you linger in the ‘victim role’ for too long the paralysing feeling will set up camp and keep you right there. I always say to my clients that ‘the goal is not to have a life without fear, but rather a life where we are able to act in spite of fear‘.
- List your achievements. When you’ve stopped doing the victim role (it’s ok if you do it for a while, most of us do as part of changing things up) make sure to gain some confidence again! List everything you’ve done that you have achieved and/or are proud of. Anything can go on this list! Sports, school, having kids, travelling, supporting your family, quitting a bad job, leaving a dysfunctional relationship – ANYTHING!
- Make a plan for YOU. It does not matter much what other people have done. You can use their story and tools as inspiration of course, but you need to create and amend a real plan for you. Most people I meet have copied a plan from someone else, and can’t understand why it’s not working. The problem with generic plans/tools is that they are not created with your unique skills, abilities and avoidance strategies in mind. (If you struggle with this step there are plenty of coaches and mentors out there who can help you draft this and keep you accountable).
Remember: transitions are not just about willpower, even though it helps! Accept that there will be fear, worry and all sorts of doubt kicking up when you’re transitioning into something new. But there is also hope, excitement and joy in doing something you know somewhere deep inside that you’ve wanted all along!
Have an amazing week and feel free to share this article with your friends, colleagues or family members if they need some help to get going!