The EGO and the need to be right
The other week one of my clients said the powerful words I know some of you are thinking: “I wish there was an off button for my ego“. The EGO and its needs can really cause trouble, and the fastest way to stop the ego is to have awareness about its patterns and needs.
This is the classic of needing to “win” the argument or having the last word. We’ve all done it at some point – argued about the little details and the whole “but you said…” when we know it really does not matter. But the ego takes this big pride in being right and winning.
When we stop feeding the internal need to prove or defend, this whole need of of being right actually goes away by itself.
And now I hear you thinking “but what if they are actually wrong Emmy?“. Well, two things you might want to consider are:
- I know it sounds funny, but you don’t have to call attention to it if someone happens to be wrong. In most cases the other person (your partner, friend, boss or whoever) will actually realise sooner or later that they were wrong about the particular thing and then come see you with gratitude.
- If you’re a teacher/leader/mentor you may need to correct someone to keep things accurate rather than coming from a space of being right.
And for those times when you have not asked for it, but someone still gives you advice and pushing their point on what’s right, remember that this is just their view on what’s right. So instead of arguing or defending, just ask yourself first ‘who is this person and what have they done?’. Then take choose to their advice (version of the truth) if you feel that it’s genuinely helpful and resourceful for you.