How to make big decisions on your own

 In Relationships, Transition & Decisions, Work & career

There are times in life when you know you need to change something substantial. If you are single during that time, you’re likely to feel this is both a blessing and a curse. Let’s dive a bit deeper into this. 

You see, having someone else (a partner) is basically either the best ally or most difficult stakeholder you could have. Humans need their “tribe” and a partner gives us that feeling of navigating new things and conquering the world together. The challenge is that when you have a partner by your side, you’ll need to compromise and consider their needs, dreams and wants too. Which can be super annoying when you might just want to make a call and move forward. That’s a topic for a whole other blog post though. 

Today I wanted to unpack those times when you don’t have a partner in your life, no real limitations and only endless opportunity in front of you. Let’s be real here – this can be incredibly scary and it’s THE time when most people stop and don’t know what to do. 

Over the years I’ve worked with many clients in exactly this situation. They have no real restrictions, but because there is too much choice available to them, they feel completely paralysed. A true first world problem some might argue, but nevertheless a real problem. Because how are you meant to choose when you could:

  1. Sell all your stuff and buy a van to travel North and South America with for 6 months
  2. Save all your money for a house deposit and ‘get onto the property market’
  3. Work hard to advance in your current job (possibly to support point 2)
  4. Quit tomorrow and take a month off sitting on a beach somewhere
  5. Go down to part time work (or find a new part time job) and start studying again
  6. Follow that creative dream you’ve always had and finally start your own business
  7. Volunteer for an organisation in an underdeveloped country helping people you would have otherwise never met
  8. Do none of the above, change nothing and procrastinate by watching Netflix and reading this blog… 🙂

Jokes aside, being in this situation (I have been too!) is really challenging and the only way out of it is to learn to tune out noise and really listen to yourself. With my clients I do a few different things to help them focus and navigate this:

  • Get super clear on their current values. We’re talking hand on heart what your core values are now, not what they were a while ago. Values can change over time due to different experiences and triggers. 
  • Narrow down to the top 3 options. This should be based on the values above and choosing the top 3 options is actually a lot easier than people think. Only focusing on 3 also helps the brain navigate the overwhelm you’re likely to experience. 
  • Help pick their team. If you’re feeling lost it’s likely you will need some good, trusted people to help you navigate the options you’re choosing between. Having a team who is there to listen and support YOU (with no selfish agenda or pushing their own values) is really helpful. 
  • Remember that it’s by following your path you attract the person who will love you for exactly who you are.  Yes, it’s scary to take the first big step alone, without the comfort of a second income to lean on or someone to support you emotionally at home. But never let that fear stop you from doing what you know deep inside you have to do. 

Make sure to follow us on Facebook, because in a few days I’ll be sharing one of my personal stories around exactly this topic, and I’m pretty sure you’ll find it helpful if you’re relating to today’s blog. 

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