It will never be the same again

 In Expat emotions, Family, Friendship

A little while ago I reconnected with a fantastic man, friend and mentor I’ve met through my journey as a coach. We had a very real chat about life and business and at one point he said something that stuck with me. It will never be the same again. So bloody true, both for the challenge I had just shared with him AND life in general, because of course it won’t be!

Most of us have probably realised that change is inevitable, but grown is certainly optional. That’s why I wanted to cover a few different angles of change, especially when it comes to change around trust or someone letting you down. These tips will help you move through the motions when you realise that “it will never be the same again“.

The betrayal of trust from others:
I’m sure this has happened to you more than once in your life. When a friend, family member, partner or colleague broke the trusting bond you felt you had with them. Where they overstepped boundary, shared something they were not meant to or really hurt your feelings. More often than not it’s because we’ve made our own assumptions on what was included in the ‘trust package’ and rarely do people betray our trust because they are mean. They most likely just viewed the ‘trust package’ very different to what you did.

The betrayal of trust in this way makes us realise that we can forgive and move on OR we can stay angry/sad/victim. Either way your relationship with this person will never be the same again. Now this does not have to mean that it’s forever bad, it can grow into something else altogether. But in order for the relationship to deepen again as it changes, there is no other option than to truly forgive the other person for what they did. I’ve written about how to forgive in a previous blog post

The betrayal of trust in self and putting yourself last on the list:
This is another kind of trust betrayal, and it can be even more painful than the one above. It’s when you realise that you have not stood up for yourself and it hits you like a tonne of bricks that no matter where you turn now – it will never be the same again. It could be triggered by how someone else has behaved, but it certainly does not have to. 

For some people this (painful and empowering) realisation arrives the moment you made a choice to stop being ‘nice’ and started leading your own life. It could have been the time you said “that’s enough” and walked out of a job that wasn’t right for you anymore. The time you left a relationship that no longer served you. The morning you woke up and realised that you had not chosen what YOU wanted to do for ages and just allowed life to wash over you with all the must’s and should’s that are so easy to follow. 

Both of these types of betrayal hurt a lot! And I’m not going to pretend that this is always a good thing. I’ve experienced both of these many times in my life and at the time I did not feel like ‘embracing the learning opportunity‘. I wanted to sit down and cry for a long time (and eat some chocolate too!).

But if you’re resonating with today’s blog post, just remember that today’s headline is always true. It will never be the same again. Regardless if it’s fantastic, horrible or anywhere in between. It can’t be the same.

Every relationship has its stages of course, but if they are not growing and evolving, they are inevitably declining or disappearing. Only to make room for something else. 

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