The golden handcuffs of security
Most people will opt for the safe option. It’s that simple. Even though we all need variety and adventure (how much will of course depend on the person), our craving for certainty most often rules the day.
Today I thought we’d talk a bit more about why this is and next week blog I’ll dive a bit deeper into how our EGO will throw challenges in when it comes to staying safe. I’ve written about this before, you can have a read here if you’re curious.
Staying safe (and avoiding difficult things) will include some of these patterns:
- Procrastination: One of the best strategies to make sure nothing changes. By putting something off to tomorrow is a safe way to make sure it never happens.
- Not feeling worthy: Questions like “Who am I to think I could start my own business/have a job were I earned more/meet a wonderful person to build my life with?”. This is where our own ego is putting us down with the bigger objective to keep us safe and not changing.
- Perfectionism: Starting to do the changes in the background, but getting stuck in the perfectionist pattern to have to do it perfectly or not at all. If this is you, there is a high chance you won’t share anything with anyone else until you feel it’s perfect and more or less risk free to share. Perfectionism actually does not mean to have high standards. It means that you’re choosing to have no standards at all, because they are impossible to reach.
- Fear of judgement: Many of my clients come to me and share this, usually in the form of “But what will people say?” or “What if it does not work and I look like an idiot?” Everyone I’ve ever met has a need to be liked by other AND a fear of failure on some level. So this judgement and worry of what others think is natural, but not always helpful.
I have done all of these patterns myself at some point (yes, coaches are humans too!) and all I can say that having the awareness around them and spotting them when they come up gives you your power back. Too many people feel handcuffed and bound to what they already have because it’s safe, not because it’s what they want.
Whilst it’s perfectly fine (and in fact very important) to have gratitude for the present, you are also allowed to dream bigger for tomorrow. Especially if your current security is not making you happy or fulfilled on a deeper level.
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