Change and judgement
Whether we like it or not, all of us judge others at times. Even more often we judge ourselves for what we did or did not do and when we go through change this need to judge seems to multiply.
Last week we talked about the Ego and the need to know what’s going to happen. This week we’ll unpack the EGO and the need to judge.
If you read the very first article of this blog series, you already know that the Ego is there to keep you safe and alive. It also wants to flag any potential danger to you and that’s why it uses judgement to stop you from moving too fast.
It can feel temporarily safe and good for us to judge both ourselves and others. Basically it’s channeled though any voice from within saying to yourself “Who you think you are to go for that new thing?” or thinking about someone else that “Who does he/she think they are to move forward like that?”.
The Ego loves judging both you and your identity beliefs (for example the common guilt conflict between “I am a loving and nurturing parent” and “I’m a driven and accomplished professional”). And you guessed it – almost always this is holding us back.
Because it could be dangerous to do something new, the Ego simply likes to oppose change and progress. The biggest problem though is that real pain comes from resisting progress. Like that job that makes you so unhappy, but provides a stable pay-check. You might already know that change is automatic, but progress is not. Progress is all about how we move through change and leverage it for the better.
As I mentioned last week, it’s not about getting rid of the Ego altogether, because unfortunately we can’t. But there are a few things to be aware of to help you navigate progress:
- Know that judgement keeps you from expanding your comfort zone.
- It can be helpful to judge something or someone fast if you find yourself in a dark dangerous alley or any potentially life threatening situation and react quickly to get out of there. But…
- … in the majority of situations in our lives the need to judge is not helpful at all in terms of moving forward.
This last one is hard to admit, but I’ve found it to be both very accurate and confronting. Often when we judge others for what they do/say/believe, we’re inevitably judging a part of ourselves. Sometimes judgement forms this clear ‘us‘ vs. ‘them‘ or ‘me‘ vs. ‘you‘ thinking and even though it’s sometimes necessary to draw a line in the sand or speak your mind, it’s not something you want to do from a place of judgement.
The best way to move past the Ego and it’s need to judge, is to acknowledge that it’s there and that it’s trying to keep you safe. But progress comes from moving past your comfort zone to have wider discussions, listening to understand and daring to try something new.
If you need some help on the way, you might find this webinar I did last year about transition a helpful tool!